“Does your spouse work or are they a stay-at-home parent?”
That’s a funny question, because it eludes to the idea that stay-at-home spouses don’t work, whether that’s the questioners intention or not.
If you have to ask, don’t forget to say “outside the home” when you ask if they work.
My wife is a stay-at-home mom, and I can tell you right now: she works harder than I do most days and I have a “real job.”
So I decided to look at this from an economic standpoint.
What is the monetary value of a stay-at-home spouse?
Spoiler alert: it’s a lot.
First off, I say “stay-at-home spouse,” because there are thousands of awesome moms and dads who stay at home with their children. If it works for you, do it. Don’t let all of the judgment about being a stay-at-home dad affect you in any way and there is a lot of judgement out there. Sometimes we, as Christians, can be the most harsh. We’re all imperfect people, so take it easy on us too please.
Moreover, there are plenty of stay-at-home spouses who don’t have children. That doesn’t mean their job is easy. It’s usually expected that they will keep the house in order, while the other is earning a salary.
Either way, male or female, children or none, it’s not an easy job. And it is a job.
The Value of a Stay-at-Home Spouse
What would it cost you to replace the work of a stay-at-home spouse?
Well, let’s look at some figures.
Let’s assume they will take care of the home. Of course, the other spouse should be helping out, but for the sake of numbers, we’ll assume you would have to replace every aspect of keeping house.
Business Insider published an article that showed, “Based on the 10 most time consuming tasks listed by more than 6,000 mothers, Salary.com estimated it would cost $113,586 a year to replace them. That’s a paltry $624 (0.5%) raise since the same study in 2012.”1
Dave Ramsey recommends a $400,000 life insurance policy for stay-at-home spouses.
So you can start to see the monetary value.
They save over $100,000 a year by staying home. But how’s their paycheck looking?
If you consider the fact that they have a 24/7 job, it’s not looking too great. Maybe that’s why they often don’t get the credit they deserve. Based on the above savings, a stay-at-home spouse would earn about $13 an hour. That’s a lot of work for $13 an hour.
I can hear it now, “That’s not accurate, they don’t work 24 hours a day. They have to sleep sometime, ya know.” Well that’s true, but that’s like saying a fire fighter doesn’t work a 24, 48, or 72 hour shift. They’re on call. Stay-at-home spouses are on call 24/7. They’re always ready and always on call to handle whatever comes up, be it a sick child or a crying baby.
And it’s often expected that they are the only one who is going to take care of such things.
The Savings of Stay-at-Home Spouses
Do you realize how much money you save (or could save) by having a stay-at-home spouse?
When you factor in the cost of daycare, commuting, and other work expenses, it often makes the most sense for someone to stay home when you have children. Of course, there are times when both spouses want to work. If it’s not about the money, and more about contributing to a cause or just getting out of the house, go for it. Just remember, it may be better to work part-time for financial and parental reasons.
Let’s look at two people. Each person has two children. Each have working spouses. We’ll call them George and Maria:
George works full-time and earns the median US income of about $40,000/year and has a one-hour (each way) commute to work.
Maria stays home with her children and does not bring in an income.
Here’s a breakdown of the primary expenses George incurs by working full time:
- Annual cost of childcare for two children: $31,2002
- Annual cost of commuting (fuel, vehicle maintenance, etc.): $10,0003
- Annual cost of eating out for lunch: $3,000
Total annual cost of working full-time: $44,200
Here’s a breakdown of the primary expenses Maria incurs by staying home:
- Annual cost of watching your own children: $0
- Annual cost of local driving occasionally: $3,000
- Annual cost of preparing lunch at home: $730
Total annual cost of staying at home: $3,730
Both of these are common situations. I kept the examples simple to make the point. I could have included many other expenses, but this shows the main idea, and hopefully gets you thinking if you and your spouse both work. I hope you see the main idea, and don’t miss the forest for the trees.
I know there are exceptions. You may make more than that. You may not have an hour commute. You may pack your lunch. Your kids may be in free public school. But these are examples of very common situations. And I’m not even including the possibility of eating breakfast out, stopping by Starbucks or paying road tolls, and things along those lines. The little expenses add up.
There are also non-monetary factors to consider when getting a job outside the home, such as the potential for someone else to raise your child most of the day and the energy drain a job can be. Of course staying at home can drain energy as well, but you’re draining that energy with your children, so there’s a difference.
The Point to All of This
Hopefully this will help those who have never sat down to calculate the numbers. Often you’ll find that your actual hourly wage is well under minimum wage after expenses.
I’m not campaigning to get stay-at-home spouses paid.
I’m trying to get them recognized. Appreciated. Respected.
There is a serious delusion of the value of stay-at-house spouses.
You may completely respect your wife or husband for staying home with the children. Hopefully you accept equal (or close to it) responsibility to help around the house and prepare the food.
I think the stereotype that stay-at-home spouse don’t “work” needs to be reevaluated.
Note: This article was adapted from an article I wrote on my other blog.
You can see the original post here.